Behavioral Intervention

Yesterday, Mom and I attended Behavioral Intervention 3 and 4 (she wants to be my respite provider and also needs hours for her job as a preschool teacher). The material is all new as of October 1st, and I think they mixed Discipline 101 in with BI3, which means I've had it twice this year. *shrugs*

Differences between CPS and Bair--Bair actually taught us techniques to protect ourselves from things like hair pulls and choking. We are permitted to use two types of restraints--the Bear Hug and the Escort--if all attempts to deescalate the child has failed and they pose a danger to themselves or others. This, of course, must be documented (there's a Physical Restraint form) and will probably trigger a review of the child's individual service plan to see if there are other interventions that could be put in place to prevent future rages.

With CPS, the only restraint they would tolerate was a brief restraint (less than 1 minute) of a child under 5, which is basically grabbing a toddler to keep them from running into traffic.

I understand CPS is trying to phase out restraints all together because when done improperly, they can kill kids, but at the same time, I am inviting unknown and potentially volatile children into my home and would like to have methods to protect myself and anyone else in the household.

And I don't appreciate being lied to.

The other thing I like about Bair is the support they are promising (and really, I expect them to follow through with) for the foster families. We are encouraged to take respite (when my FAD worker asked how I would have dealt with my car accident had I had children in my home and I mentioned probably using respite days, she was clearly not happy with that) and to call our Social Services Worker for assistance. They have a foster mom who did have a child who did need restrained (and was eventually classified as Intensive and moved to a different agency to get the care he needed), and she would call her SSW after incidents to hash out what happened and brainstorm ways to improve her response next time. I always got voicemails and never a return call when I had a question with CPS. 

It's not that I think that CPS is bad, but they are viciously overworked and underfunded (Governor Perry, I'm looking at you). As anyone who knew me during my years at my old job, you can only stay passionate about something for so long under those conditions before you burn out. 

The fact that both Bair (about the half the Texas offices are on a placement hold until December, including Houston) and I have been getting calls from CPS asking if we have beds open probably means that their (and the judges') post-budget cut plan of sticking as many children as humanly possible into kinship care (care by relatives) is not working out as well as they had hoped. In some cases, it's appropriate, but kids were being placed with relatives who had felony records, who had histories of their own with CPS, etc.--people CPS would never in a million years approve as foster parents. Hebe and Thor were taken from my house screaming and sobbing because the father who had been granted custody was a "drug junkie".

He said love endures all things

So much has happened since my meltdown in June...

I bottomed out big time.  Last year, I went to the doctor because my anti-depressant had lost effectiveness (I'd been on the same medication since I was 19, and at the same dose since I was 22, so that wasn't a huge shocker).  What followed was months of misery as we discovered that Wellbutrin at high doses turns me into The Incredible Hulk...

And Pristiq made me so depressed I wanted to die.  Finally, in September, we alighted on the combination of 200 mg/day of Zoloft and 75 mg of Wellbutrin.  And it worked fine for 3 months, but since New Years Eve, it has been a roller coaster in my head.  Add to that, the probable brain damage from the car accident in January, and I'm a right mess.

I've been getting extremely panicky when stressed or confused, and it had gotten to the point where I was scared to look at my work emails or answer the phone.  I let a customer actually *bully* me into almost crying.  I had requested transfer to several departments where my workload would be less stress-inducing, but my manager blocked me at all turns because he said I would get bored and was overqualified for the positions anyway.

So I somehow managed to find a new job and not bomb the interviews.  I now work across the street from my old job doing the same basic job--air exports--but there is much less stress, I work 40-45 hours a week instead of the 50-65 I was working before, and I'm getting paid almost $7/hr more.

But I'm still panicky at the STUPIDEST things.  And my meds aren't working.  So I went through the list of psychiatrists on my insurance's website and cold-called a bunch of them and then made an appointment with the only one who bothered to call me back.  I want a specialist to handle any medication tinkering that needs to be done.  I want my semblance of a life back.

Also working on getting my foster care verification from The Bair Foundation, a private Christian agency.  The training was a lot better this time around, and we did it all in two nights and one full Saturday instead of dragging it out for six weeks...during Rodeo.

Then I get home, and the mail lady brings me a package from CPS...it was my former caseworker returning my family portfolio.  I need to re-do it, but it was good to have it back.  I at least like how the binder looks.

And then I log onto Facebook, and Alicia is talking about going back to Uganda in February...hmmm....