He said love endures all things

So much has happened since my meltdown in June...

I bottomed out big time.  Last year, I went to the doctor because my anti-depressant had lost effectiveness (I'd been on the same medication since I was 19, and at the same dose since I was 22, so that wasn't a huge shocker).  What followed was months of misery as we discovered that Wellbutrin at high doses turns me into The Incredible Hulk...

And Pristiq made me so depressed I wanted to die.  Finally, in September, we alighted on the combination of 200 mg/day of Zoloft and 75 mg of Wellbutrin.  And it worked fine for 3 months, but since New Years Eve, it has been a roller coaster in my head.  Add to that, the probable brain damage from the car accident in January, and I'm a right mess.

I've been getting extremely panicky when stressed or confused, and it had gotten to the point where I was scared to look at my work emails or answer the phone.  I let a customer actually *bully* me into almost crying.  I had requested transfer to several departments where my workload would be less stress-inducing, but my manager blocked me at all turns because he said I would get bored and was overqualified for the positions anyway.

So I somehow managed to find a new job and not bomb the interviews.  I now work across the street from my old job doing the same basic job--air exports--but there is much less stress, I work 40-45 hours a week instead of the 50-65 I was working before, and I'm getting paid almost $7/hr more.

But I'm still panicky at the STUPIDEST things.  And my meds aren't working.  So I went through the list of psychiatrists on my insurance's website and cold-called a bunch of them and then made an appointment with the only one who bothered to call me back.  I want a specialist to handle any medication tinkering that needs to be done.  I want my semblance of a life back.

Also working on getting my foster care verification from The Bair Foundation, a private Christian agency.  The training was a lot better this time around, and we did it all in two nights and one full Saturday instead of dragging it out for six weeks...during Rodeo.

Then I get home, and the mail lady brings me a package from CPS...it was my former caseworker returning my family portfolio.  I need to re-do it, but it was good to have it back.  I at least like how the binder looks.

And then I log onto Facebook, and Alicia is talking about going back to Uganda in February...hmmm....